


Time Heist (AKA Battle for the Unicorn)

by CheyanneChika



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Crack, Fix-It, Gen, Geralt and Jaskier make up, Kittens, M/M, Time Travel, Unicorns, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, Wade Wilson Fixes Everything, Wade Wilson's Stuffed Unicorn, time heist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22247503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyanneChika/pseuds/CheyanneChika
Summary: Yennefer needs a unicorn for...reasons.  Why she needed this one is, of course, Deadpool's fault.  Don't ask.  Also, the White Wolf and his Dandelion need to stop being mad at each other so Wade'll fix that too.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Wade Wilson & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 13
Kudos: 29





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JungleJelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JungleJelly/gifts), [ihavenoidea241](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihavenoidea241/gifts).



> This conversation:  
> Dip: Wait are unicorns canon?  
> George: Yennefer has a stuffed one she likes to use for her sexual encounters  
> Me: No, George, Deadpool is one with the sex unicorn  
> George: :(((  
> Me: ...Yen could probs steal it though...no I'm not thinking about a time heist between Yen and Wade

Yennefer was in a place she didn’t recognize. It appeared the time travel spell had worked. She noted a bed with ratty coverings of a fabric she’d never encountered and upon them, the unicorn. It was the size of a little girl’s doll. She picked it up and frowned as the plushness of the toy.

“Normally, I’d recall inviting a hot momma back to my place to engage in some Touch the Unicorn,” a light voice behind her called. She whipped around to see a horribly scarred man in red and black leather with swords in a cross-draw on his back.

Yennefer smiled at him and held her ground. “I’m afraid I must borrow your unicorn.”

“Uh, no, but also, why?”

“Because time’s up.” And she vanished, taking his precious unicorn with her.


	2. Yennefer Vs. a Squeaker Toy

Yennifer relaxed as she reappeared in her dubiously obtained house. The owner, if he was as she’d left him, was taking a long-term nap in a side room. She set the unicorn delicately on her bed and stared at it.

Nothing happened. 

“Do something,” she murmured, bending slightly to stare at its large, glassy eyes.

The unicorn remained motionless.

Her lips twisted and she straightened. She whipped a knot of magic at it and it blasted up and back to hit the back board with an unnatural squawk. Her eyebrows shot up and yanked the toy back to her palm. She studied the thing, examining all of it, unable to determine where the sound had come from. The mouth was drawn on and the stitching was so neat as to be invisible unless the scrutiny was from a handbreadth away.

Nothing.

Her irritation clenched her fist and the unicorn squawked again. She loosened her grip and tightened it again. It squeaked once more, though at a different tone. Her fingers prodded the body and felt something hard in the stuffing. Gripping it was the key to the sound.

Was this why she needed the unicorn? She’d seen it in a dream, known she needed to get it, but why?

The swish of metal drawn from a scabbard is her only warning that she’s no longer alone and then a blade is kissing her throat. “That’s my unicorn.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know.


End file.
